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Who's the key member of your family?

Interesting. I've been reading Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, an American Psychiatrist and Psychologist, about Gender Identity Confusion in boys.

It is often said that a healthy adult relationship with the opposite sex results from a healthy childhood relationship with the opposite sex parent. This is obviously true for girls (Dr. James Dobson "Bringing up girls") where self-esteem is key to coping in the adult world relating to men. Self-esteem is something on which a father's love and affection has huge effect in girls.

How is this true for boys and how does it work? Dr. Nicolosi says that it used to be thought that GID in boys was caused by an unhealthy "symbiotic" bond between mother and son. But new observations and research shows that closeness between mother and son is fine, as long as dad is in the mix and does not withdraw. It is dad who teaches the son the appropriate level of interaction with the female world at the pre-pubescent stage, and also teaches how to relate to women in a loving, protective way. So- Dad is essential to creating a healthy relationship between mum and boy, with all the life-long consequences that gives.

This has whacked me in the brain this evening. Kirsten Birkett writes in "The essence of family", that modern culture puts mum as the lynchpin of family life, but Biblical study actually shows that dad is the key family member around which all others will gather. It's the pattern of loving patriarchy, and it's healthy.

This means that the challenge for single mums and widows with young kids is a big one. In some sense, it's right to feel like "a family without an anchor". The loss for the family is huge. And the consequences for our society of "chucking dad out with the rubbish" are more serious than I first thought, for ongoing generations.

worry and beauty!

I am blessed that at the moment I have a garden to look out on during my quiet times. I love looking out of the window before and after my prayer time and seeing the world which God has made.

For the past few weeks the trees have been green and I marvelled at how God had made so many beautiful things which I never really look at like the leaves on the trees. Each one is individual and beautiful in its own way and God made them, each one, just because He could, just because that is who He is. This morning as I looked out though, the leaves were brown, and orange, and red and we just as beautiful as when they were green. They are in a different stage of their life but still just as beautiful. Again I was reminded of our great God and how he looks after and cares for his world.

I'm reading through Luke in my quiet time and a verse comes to mind 'Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.' Luke 12:27.  This is Jesus speaking and He goes on to say that therefore we should not worry, if God cares for each individual lily, on each individual leaf, whether it's new and green or old and brown, God will take care of us.

Too often I find myself worrying about what to wear, or wishing that I had the money to buy new things but there are more important things in life to worry about. 'For the... world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.' Luke 12:30-31

Do we really want a 'new creation'?


Jesus said, "I am making everything new" (Revelation 21:5). It's a wonderful thought, when you look at horrific war zones or natural disasters or famines or injustice. But what about when you look at the best bits of this world - like when we were out walking near Kirby Lonsdale the other day?
And yes, though we've renamed the town 'Kirby Ponsedale' (they can be a little stuck up), and though there's still farm junk and thorns and barbed wire, it is staggeringly beautiful. The British countryside; the crisp frost; great oak trees; friendly cows breathing clouds of huff! (And wow: our kids not being scared of dogs!)
The best bits of this world are evidence of how amazingly God makes things. The fact he holds out to us is a new creation not of dreamy vagueness, or floating clouds. It's a remake of this world in perfection. All that's good about this world, with none of the bad bits to spoil it. The more I think about that, the more I want it. As Mark Ashton said, "We believe for death." That's when we'll see true goodness.
Of course, what will really make it is relationships (especially with Christ), rather than environment. But the point is, don't fix our eyes on environment here. When we see it at its best, say to ourselves, "There's better to come! There's better to come!" And fix our eyes there.

Happy to Serve


No - nothing to do with a cheesy burger joint. Nor tennis. But church.

Jesus tells us (and sets the example) to be joyfully willing to be a servant of the church. He was the one who washed the disciples' feet. He was the one who gave up his life for our sake.

It never comes naturally to serve others, because we all think our needs are greater, and that our time is more precious than others'. But the funny thing is, the more we learn joyful service, the more we find we've got more time and more energy. Try it this week!

God, the Bible and Homosexuality

Reading through the letter to the 'Romans' in the bible on Sunday mornings has all sorts of challenges. But culturally, the bit on Sunday morning was as tough as it comes: chapter 1, verses 18-32. People don't like the idea of the wrath of God, nor the idea that other points of view to Christianity are a sign of God's judgement. We're not allowed today to make exclusive claims to truth. But perhaps most difficult of all is what's said about homosexuality: that it is a 'perversion'.
People object to these words, or try to get round them in all sorts of ways. But they only make sense in the whole bible picture: that originally God made man and woman to enjoy sex within the context of marriage. It's not that God is anti sex, or trying to spoil our fun. The truth is, he's a generous, fun, good God.

Of course, all sorts of questions are raised (as they were on Sunday) about the nature of homosexuality - and there are wonderful answers for those who will hear. As Christians, our responsibility is to recognise the truth and goodness of God's word, and to lovingly persuade others of it; for Romans chapter 1 is there because the first step to receiving 'salvation' is acknowledging the darkness of the human heart.

Harry Brown: Jesus gone wrong!




Have you seen the film? It's classic Michael Caine: good old-fashioned working class man has enough of the violent louts on the estate. It's gritty, for sure - the opening scene is of a couple of lads burning a little motorbike round the estate, shooting at a mum with a pram for fun. And it's deeply satisfying, as the old man Harry Brown decides he can do something (with perfect one-liners thrown in: 'You should have called an ambulance - for the girl!').
But as one critic (voxy.co.nz) points out: 'Even the basic tenant of vigilantism, not exactly a hot new concept, gets a stupefyingly simplistic treatment – it just plain works. Kill the kids who are part of your neighbourhood’s woes and the problems will simply go away.'
I thought the film was great. But, yes, the simplistic plot sells us short on four accounts:
(a) In real life, you can't do it. You can't sort out the problems. 'I see violence and strife in the city, day and night' (Psalm 55:9). We have to watch films about it, because real life it so rarely ends well.
(b) The film portrayed the depth of evil very well, and the reality of a godless society. But the seeds of utter depravity in the young thugs were sown by the previous generations who thought there was decent morality without Christ. Start making your own rules, and that's where it leads. Harry Brown: I'd rather have you as my neighbour than most. But you too are partly responsible for the mess. 'There is no-one righteous, not even one' (Romans 3:10).
(c) Films like this presuppose that Jesus is pretend. And if he's pretend, we have to take judgement into our own hands. But he will judge, utterly and fairly, in reality. I love the Michael Caine and Clint Eastwood characters. But they're hopelessly pale shadows of the real thing. And we have what they're craving: 'Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.' (Romans 12:19)
(d) With Jesus, there is the hope of mercy. The society in Harry Brown's estate seems totally beyond redemption. So kill 'em. Actually, we've seen that the grace of God has the most incredible power to turn the hardest of them. Lives ravaged by heroin, violence, lovelessness and perversion of every kind are not beyond the power of God's Spirit. We've got plenty of testimonies to prove it. It's true that 'There but by the grace of God go I'; but it goes further still: my sin is no less serious in living my 'upright' life ... in total disregard for my loving Maker. 'Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners - of whom I am the worst.' (1 Timothy 1:15)

Devoted to ... the apostle's teaching


What is a church? And what should it do?

Acts 2:42-47 in the bible give us a snapshot of what the first church was all about. This is the first in a series of five short articles on those fundamentals.

There are many things in the world which people use to base their life on. Some base their life on the culture they find themselves in, others choose a teacher, or a philosophy, a book or whatever pops in to their head on a minute by minute basis. Most Christians have based our lives on something like this in the past but have come to realise that these ways of doing things really don’t satisfy. Instead we believe we have a better way of life, something better to base of lives on!

We believe we have found the person who showed us how to live and who died and rose again so that we could have the 'slate wiped clean' and start to live this new life. This person was Jesus Christ; but Jesus lived two thousand years ago. So how do we go about following this God-man today?

Well Jesus prepared for this by choosing twelve men (‘Apostles’) who would live with him and whom he would teach, so that after he had died, risen and gone to heaven, they could stay and teach others about this amazing good news. So its no surprise that when we look at Acts 2 we find the first gatherings of Jesus' followers listening carefully to these men, and being ‘devoted’ to their teaching. They wanted to know what Jesus' life and death had meant and how it affected them.

As the church grew and the apostles got older it seemed wise for them to write down what they witnessed and what they had been taught so that future generations could benefit as well. When the writing was done, all those letters and books and visions of the future were eventually collected together and form what is known as the New Testament. This is the completion of all God has to say to mankind until he comes again. That’s why Christians, including the church at Wellfield, devote ourselves to it to this day!

We do this in a number of ways: we read the Bible by ourselves; we read and study in small groups; and we listen to someone explain it every Sunday. But if this is all we did, it would be a good start … but it wouldn't really be devotion - because knowing what the Bible says is only the first step. So the real challenge is to help one another to live out the teaching and example of Jesus on a day to day basis. It affects our conversations. It means we want to spend more time together. It means we care about each others’ lives. Because we know that the apostles’ teaching is life to us.

I believe in a God of love!

I went to the 'Evangelists Conference' yesterday. The speaker was Sinclair Ferguson. (A Gordon Brown look-a-like ... and sound-a-like.) He made the point that when people say, 'I believe in a God of love', the honest answer is usually, 'No you don't.'

See, if you really believed in a God of love, you'd adore him and entrust everything to him; he'd be your passion and your life. The truth is, we generally believe the same lie that Eve fell for in the garden: that God is not being good to us. He doesn't have our best interests at heart. The truth more often is, 'I believe in a spoilsport God, a cruel God.'

Even as Christians, whenever we do our thing, instead of obeying God, we're doing the same thing: we're saying we don't believe God is good. Even after he's proved his love by sending his Son to die for us, we still hold back from him. What a bunch of eegits.

Wish I could have a chat with Russell Brand



That's assuming I would be able to get a word in.

Just watched Russell Brand on Newsnight, and, although his high-energy speeches and unnecessary use of long words become tedious, it was fascinating to hear him say that he believes in God, is scared of death, and wants to make himself a better person but isn't finding it very easy.

It made me really want to have the chance to chat to him. He's reaching out for something greater than himself, but he doesn't know where to look. I am so grateful that I don't have to reach out into the darkness and find nothing to grab onto. Various people showed me, all those years ago, how I could meet God and be confident in the face of life and death. Where do we meet God? Only in the person of Jesus.

It is life. No guilt or slavery to my own weaknesses. No sting in death. Jesus said "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."